One Step Closer


A lot of anxiety was built up for the first day. I was ready to start, but scared of the unknown. It kind of reminded me of the first time giving childbirth. Everyone has a story to tell.  And you all know some are good and some are terrifying.

Infusion was nine hours. As many of you know, I am so scared of needles.  I am more scared of the needles than beating cancer.  In my mind, I got this.  I was given many bags of saline, Zofran, steroids, and cisplatin.  Cisplatin is the chemotherapy used to treat nasopharyngeal carcinoma.  Once the chemo was put in intravenously, I felt a rush of so many emotions. Scared of the unknown, I kept thinking, when will I be sick?  I had to keep reminding myself, “Don’t be scared!  You are one step closer.” That has become my motto!

img_1567  As the day went on, I had a little surprise visitor to brighten up my day at the infusion center.  I was over the moon to see my son, Jake.  He was so excited to see me too.  He understands the doctors are taking care of me and making Mommy better.  We haven’t used the “C” word with him.  We explained that Mommy is really sick and she will need to see a lot of doctors to make me better.  He has been such a trooper.  I think the hardest part for him, since he is truly a Mommy’s boy, is that he misses the snuggling each night.   I keep reminding him when I get better, he will have snuggles for a lifetime.


19 thoughts on “One Step Closer”

  1. My thoughts & prayers are with you & I know you will beat this … Cancer is scary word just stay positive & believe & pray & God will answer them.

  2. Hello Nic-
    I just read your post. I retired last year from DCHS. I worked with Jon, your brother-in-law. What a characBest

    Hello Nic-
    I just read your post.
    I retired last year from DCHS. I worked with your brother-in-law, Jon. What a character.
    Your words are filled with honesty and quiet strength. I know I would like you if I met you- in fact, I like you without meeting you.
    Know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
    I will keep in touch and write again.
    God bless-
    Myke Kustief

  3. Nichole, I worked with your brother-in-law Jon. We talked hockey a lot since my son and grandsons all play. Of course it’s fun knowing the brother of an NHL player besides just living Jon himself! I want you to know you have a lot of people praying for you. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. I appreciate Jon sharing this with me. Keep your spirits up sweetheart you’ve got this.

  4. Good job Nicholle! You’ve got this. I’m not as scared of needles, but I can totally relate to the fear of the unknown. Hope you’re feeling ok. One step closer….. ?

  5. You’ve got this Nik… I know it’s scary. You are strong and your family and friends are your soft place to land…ALWAYS. Love you girly ?

  6. You truly are one step closer. You’ve got this in the bag! Wishing you strength and courage to help you get through this difficult time.

    ?, Raskie

  7. Hi Nichole,
    Love the name of your blog, and your strong and positive attitude! Duane and I are friends of your family, and total hockey nuts (dare I say “Go Flyers!” )? I have had you and your family on the prayer list at St. John’s UCC in Nazareth since I was told of your illness. You have so many people praying for you, some you know, most probably not. So thankful for the Senators and Flyers organizations for taking great care of you! We will follow your journey, stay positive! You can do this!! ???? ?

  8. I am so glad you stared this blog or online journal so that you don’t have to repeat a million times. We are all concerned and want to hear how you are doing without bothering you.
    You are on my mind 24/7and always in my prayers . One day at a time to kick this thing in the ass!! We love you
    Robin & Brittany

  9. Good luck Nik. I love the idea of your website. I can already tell you are a special person and a leader. Along with others the Ottawa community is routing for you and is there for you guys every step of the way. We are blessed in so many ways. Looking forward to your path of staying strong, staying young, and beating this. All the best.

  10. Dear Nicole and Craig, on my journey through Breast Cancer this spring I found a quote that struck my heart an d helped me through … You can’t calm the storm….so stop trying . What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. Author was Timber Hawkeye. Dave and I support your very step.

    All our support
    Sue and Dave Schroepfer

  11. Hi,
    My sister was Diagnosed August of 2016. She had done radiation, now she’s on her 8th round of chemotherapy. My sister is my older sister, mother, friend. She raised me as she is 10 years older than me. Thank you for your blog. I sent the link to my sister to read. Not sure when she will be able to read right now as she has her Chemo baby with her this week. That is what we call her at home Chemo. Haha. If there are any tips you can tell me to help her through this, I would greatly appreciate it. Good luck and wish you all the love happiness and a healthy 2017.

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